Breathe Into Me Read online

  The look Jessi was giving me was enough to make grown men cry. She could be kind of scary when she was determined, and she was damn determined for us to finally get these tattoos.

  I huffed and stomped around Jessi, heading toward the parking lot. “Fine! Let’s do this. Let’s go see a man about some tattoos.”

  I didn’t turn back to look at her, but I could hear her squee and then her heals clicking against the ground as she hurried to catch up with me.

  Lopping her arm in mine, she asked, “So did you finally make up your mind about what you wanted to get?”

  I shrugged. I had a general idea of what I wanted. I could see it in my head so clearly, but when it came to describing it to someone for them to draw up, I wasn’t so sure I could make them understand what I wanted. The tattoos I had picked out held a special meaning to me and it needed to be perfect.

  “I think I’m pretty set on what I want now but I guess we will see when we get there. Landon said his brother is an amazing artist. That he started out drawing and painting before someone suggested tattooing. When he finished his first tattoo he’d found a passion he never knew he had before.”

  Well that was a nice story and all. I was really hoping this guy lived up to his reputation. Since I’d become better friends with Kane and was actually getting to secretly study his tattoos up close, the detail in them did amaze me. Tattooing really should be seen more as art and less as stereotyping the people that have them. If people would take the time to actually look closely at other people’s tattoos, then maybe they would see that not everyone goes and gets a tear drop for murdering someone, or gets a butterfly when they turn eighteen just because they want to rebel against their parents. Some people put a lot of thought into their tattoos. Making each one reflect a certain time in their life. Or maybe an event that held so much significance to them, they want it to be remembered forever.

  So far, the things I could make out from Kane’s tattoos were the very realistic portraits of an attractive man and woman on the inside of each of his forearms. An extremely detailed fish was also on the forearm with the man, and some roses and script were on the arm with the woman. I hadn’t been able to read the script as of yet, though.

  I was still daydreaming about Kane’s tattoos when we approached Jessi’s car, and it hit me that we were really about to do this. Climbing inside, I began to fidget with my seatbelt and Jessi placed her small hand on my arm.

  “Kelsey?”

  “Yeah?” I gave the seatbelt one last tug before finally getting it adjusted to where it was most comfortable.

  “You’re going to be fine. You know that right? This is just first tattoo jitters. Believe it or not, when Landon and I were talking the other night—”

  “Wait”—I interrupted her—“you and Landon do more than just swap spit? You actually throw some conversation in there?” I joked.

  She smiled before playfully punching me in the arm. “ANYWAY, as I was saying … when Landon and I were talking the other night after watching one of those tattoo shows that have been coming on TV lately, I started to panic that I wouldn’t be able to handle the pain. You know me, I’ve never really been good with pain, and that show we had watched had some of the people passing out and getting sick and…” I made a choking noise and she hurried to reassure me. “No, no, no! It’s not going to be like that for us. These people were getting these huge detailed tattoos that the tattoo artists had only a few hours to complete. Landon said the longer the tattoo session, the more raw your skin gets so it begins to hurt a lot more. But it almost had me in a full-blown panic attack worrying that I would freak out like some of those people. You know, that I would not be able to stand the pain and walk around with an unfinished tattoo for the rest of my life.”

  “Jess, you’re really not helping me, ya know.”

  “Seriously, Kelsey, if anyone has this it’s you. You are the strongest person I know. I may talk a big game, but honestly, when it comes down to it you may have to baby me and walk me though this,” she laughed.

  I hugged my best friend tight before throwing myself back into my seat and letting out a loud sigh. “Let’s get this over with then.” Who knows, we both might surprise ourselves and think it tickles when the tattoo machine finally breaks through our skin. YEAH RIGHT!

  Jessi stared out the windshield a second or two before starting the car. It was nice to know that she’d had second thoughts about this before, too. I knew I wanted this … and she wanted this … so dammit, we were going to do this!

  Jessi pulled her car up in front of an old, red brick building with a black awning and big, blocky, white letters that read Inner City Ink. Even after the pep talk we’d just had, I couldn’t shake the nervous feelings that were swirling around inside me. I mean, there was a guy in there somewhere, holding a little humming machine with a needle attached to one end that was about to go plunging over and over into my skin. You see my dilemma now, don’t you?

  Seriously, what kind of person can think up something like this? Was it some crazy individual who went to the doctor when he was sick, got a shot and decided, “Hey, that felt fucking amazing! How about we do it over and over again at about 10,000 revolutions per minute, add some ink, and make some art!” Yeah, I bet it all went down a little something like that.

  A tap on the window jolted me out of my panicked musing, and I turned to see Jessi standing on the other side—I hadn’t even heard her get out of the car.

  “Come on, chicken shit. We’re here now. Let’s do this.”

  I considered locking the door and pouting until she gave in and took me back to the dorm, but she had the key fob for her car, and I knew my fight would be in vain. We were already there, and Jessi had her mind set on getting those tattoos. We’d talked about getting them for years; she would make sure we followed through.

  Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the door handle and opened the car door. A warm breeze washed over me when I placed one foot on the ground, and my eyes closed as my mind drifted back to warm summer days—lying on a blanket with my mom, blowing dandelion after dandelion, and watching the seeds fly and swirl above us.

  “Where do you think they will go?” I asked her. I was talking about the seeds, but she knew that. She always knew everything. If I was sick, she always knew what would make me feel better. If I was hurt, she knew the right song I needed to hear to make me forget about my pain.

  She placed her warm hand over mine, and I turned to face her.

  “Anywhere and everywhere my sweet, Kelsey. They are free now to go off and have adventures of their own—and do you know who set them free to do so?”

  I shook my head.

  “You did, my sweet girl. They were stuck here on the ground with us and just one tiny breath from you has them flying high and free as the birds.” She smiled.

  “I wish I could fly like that,” I sighed as I turned to watch the tiny little seeds flitter off into the distance.

  “Me too, baby, me too.”

  I crooked my head to look at her again. For a brief second, I could have sworn I saw a hint of sadness in her eyes; but it was gone as soon as I noticed it. Her bright smile was back, and I didn’t think about anything else—except her, the dandelions, the birds, and me.

  I opened my eyes to the dingy, red brick building. What I wouldn’t have given to go back to times when all I had to think about was setting those tiny seeds free. With the memory fresh in my mind, I was more sure than ever about the design I’d chosen to mark my body with forever. There was still nervousness—but it was due to the fear of the pain, not the fear of making a mistake.

  I’m going to do this … I’m going to do this for her.

  The shop was cleaner than I had imagined it would be—like, it was impeccably clean. There was a scent of disinfectant in the air, and the whole place had a sterile feel to it; making me feel a great deal more relaxed. The hum of the tattoo machines could be heard from down a hall that was just off the waiting room, and a dark-haired girl wi
th bright purple streaks running through her hair was sitting behind the desk.

  She glanced up at us and smiled. “Welcome to Inner City Ink. My name is Melody. Can I help you ladies with anything?” Her voice was so light and sweet, again, not what I had been expecting.

  I need to stop being so judgy all the time. I mean, isn’t that how my life was before I came here? People always judging and assuming they knew me, just because they knew what had happened to me?

  “Yes, Landon sent us. We have appointments with Lucas. Jessi”—She pointed her well-manicured finger at her own chest—“and Kelsey.” Jessi then leaned a little closer to Melody, “Kelsey being the one hiding back there.” She chucked her thumb in the direction where I’d been standing a few feet behind her.

  Melody glanced down at the book lying on the counter in front of her. “Yeah, I see it right here. If you want to have a seat for just a few minutes, I will go let him know you ladies are here and he will be right with you.” She smiled again before heading out of the room.

  I walked over and sat on one of the black sofas they had in the waiting area and began scrolling through my phone absentmindedly, needing the distraction. Jessi plopped down beside me, and nudged my shoulder with hers.

  “You ready for this girlie? If you’re really not sure about this, Kels, we don’t have to do it. You know I was joking, don’t you? I would never force you to do something you are uncomfortable with. You know that right?” The smile she’d had all day began wavering just a bit.

  I took her hand in mine and tried to assure her. “I know, Jessi. And, yes, I’m sure about this. At first I wasn’t, but I’m happy with the tattoo I have picked out. I know I won’t regret this in the long run.”

  She nodded, wrapped her arms around my neck, and squeezed. “I love you, Kels. You’re my best friend. I wish so hard that I could change so many things in your past, but I can’t. The only thing I know that I can give you is me and my friendship.” She paused and pulled back, looking me in the eye. “I will always be here for you, Kels. I know you think you’re all alone in the big ‘ol world now, but you’re not. You never have been. Where you go, I go ‘til the end, babe.”

  I looked at my best friend’s face—I mean really looked at her. She’d meant every word from the bottom of her heart … I knew she did. While I loved her and her family dearly, they weren’t my real family. I would be forever grateful to them for taking me in when they didn’t have to, but I had no family. Just shattered memories and regrets.

  “You must be Jessi and Kelsey,” a deep voice drew our attention, and we twisted to see a man standing in the doorway. With the exception of him being covered in tattoos, and the fact that he had an eyebrow piercing, I would have sworn it was Landon standing there looking at us.

  Oh boy, to have been in his head when he came into the room and saw two girls just sitting on the couch in his waiting area, hugged up together and staring deeply into each other’s eyes. Yeah, he probably thinks we’re ten kinds of crazy right about now.

  We stood and walked over to him, and he extended his hand for us each of us to shake.

  “My name’s Lucas. What can I do for you pretty ladies today?”

  “We are wanting some ink,” Jessi stated the obvious. “I was thinking I would get some music notes going along the outside of my foot. Nothing too crazy.”

  He nodded in acknowledgement to Jessi, and then looked at me. “And what is it you have in mind?”

  I cleared my throat, “I want a dandelion on the back of my right shoulder and I want the seeds blowing off it, flying to the left and traveling toward my neck. But I also want the seeds to turn into birds as they reach the base of my neck.”

  He stared at me for a minute as he absorbed what I had just told him. “Nice. I think I can do that for you.” He stepped back and glanced at the both of us. “If you want to have a seat for a few more minutes, I can draw this up real quick, and then we can get started.”

  We walked back over to the sofas and waited for Lucas to come get us. It had only been about thirty minutes or so when he came walking back through the doorway.

  “All right, girls, take a look at what I have for you.” He held out what he had drawn up from our requests.

  Jessi’s was just beautiful, and fit her well.

  When it came time for him to see mine, I was full of nervous excitement. I wasn’t sure how he would interpret what I had told him, but my hand flew straight to my heart when he laid that paper out in front of me. It was perfect. Exactly how I had imagined it.

  “I love it,” my voice cracked on the last word. I was so happy Jessi talked me into doing this now. I couldn’t wait to have this beautiful piece on my body in remembrance of my mom.

  “All right then, follow me this way. We will throw some stencils on ya and get to work.”

  We followed Lucas down the hall to a room with dark blue walls covered in gorgeous, vibrant paintings. Each one in a thick black frame. I walked up to the nearest painting and took it all in. It was beautiful. The girl in the painting was crouched on the ground, hugging her knees to her chest. She was surround by a room full of faceless, blurred people. And even though they encircled her, the emotion on her face, in her eyes, let you know she was alone.

  Like me.

  It was beautiful, and my chest tightened when I looked back at her sad eyes. She stared at me like she knew what sorrow was in my heart—and for some ridiculous reason—I knew she felt the same pain as me … like she understood me.

  “You like?” Lucas’ voice drew my attention away from painting.

  “Yes, very much so. Who is the artist? They are beautiful.”

  He laughed softly, “I am.”

  Oh, that was right. Landon had told Jessi that his brother started out drawing and painting. I should have known he would have some of his own work displayed in his shop.

  “They are really beautiful,” I told him again as I turned to take one last glimpse at the painting.

  He thanked me, and then started getting everything set up for the first tattoo. I had decided Jessi would go first since this was all her idea; but after Lucas had prepped and the stencil was on her foot, she began nervously tapping that foot against the table. She quickly scooped my hand up in hers and squeezed.

  “Jess, I love you, but you’re kind of hurting me.” I glanced down at our locked hands—mine was turning a deep shade of red from the death grip she had on me.

  She immediately let go. “Oh, sorry! I’m a little nervous.”

  “Obviously”—I smiled at her—“It’s going to be fine, Jess. Remember?”

  She nodded her head profusely before taking a deep breath and looking at Lucas.

  “You ready?” he asked as he wheeled his chair over to where Jessi was sitting on the table.

  “Let’s do this!” she exclaimed as she flung one hand over her eyes, the other reaching out for me again.

  The second the needle touched her I felt her tense up. She was taking it well though; at least there was no screaming or moaning on her part. Just the occasional squeeze to my hand that was strong enough to make me flinch.

  We were about halfway through Jessi’s tattoo when we heard loud voices coming from the front of the shop. A few moments later, Landon and Kane appeared in the doorway to the room we were in.

  “How’s she doing?” Landon looked at me and smiled.

  I gave Kane a small smile when he followed Landon silently into the room, before turning to look at Landon. “Ready to switch? I don’t know how much more my hand can take,” I joked and pried my hand from Jessi’s, earning me a glare, as Landon made his way around the table to take my spot.

  “Damn you weren’t kidding. She has one mean grip.” Landon cringed at the force of Jessi’s hold making everyone in the room laugh.

  I walked over to Kane and leaned against the wall like he was. He looked down at me and absentmindedly flicked his lip ring. I loved and hated when he did that. Loved it because it was so hot, and hated it because
it was so damn hot. Kane messing with that lip ring made my body tingle in places I never knew it could.

  “So you still getting one?” he asked and raised an eyebrow at me as he waited for my response.

  “Yup.” I dug my hands in my pockets.

  “Really now. What did you decide to get?”

  “Can’t tell you. It’s a secret. You will just have to wait and see.” I playfully bit my lip. I noticed his eyes zero in on my mouth, and that also for some reason made me tingle all over.

  Oh my.

  “You’re going to get my name tattooed on your ass aren’t you?” he said, and gave a sly smile.

  “HA! Keep dreaming big boy,” I laughed.

  At least he seemed to be in a better mood than when I’d seen him earlier. This was the Kane I had come to know.

  “All done,” Lucas’ voice filled the room.

  He wiped the excess ink from Jessi’s tattoo, and we all gathered around the table to take a look.

  “It’s beautiful, Jess. And it’s so you.”

  “Yeah, I guess it was worth the pain,” she said as she twisted her foot back and forth to get a better look at her new tattoo.

  “Let me go over the care instructions with Jessi for a quick second, and then we will get your stencil on you, Kelsey.”

  I nodded and began to gather my long hair into a messy bun on the top of my head. It was a good thing it’d been a warm day and I’d happened to wear a halter-top. This way I wouldn’t have to take my shirt off.

  After Lucas had gone over the care instructions with Jessi, he placed the stencil on my shoulder and neck and handed me a small hand mirror. After agreeing on the placement of the tattoo, I laid down on the table and braced myself for the pain.